Tuesday, December 13, 2011

On the verge...

There are days when I would like to escape the reality of life. Today would be one of those days. Overwhelmed, exhausted, stretched to the max.....sound familiar to anyone? Not that I wish that on anyone, but boy would it be great to know I'm not the only one. I can't remember the last time I fell asleep before 2 a.m. and didn't get a wake up call every 1-2 hours. Both boys have slept horribly lately, therefore I have slept horribly. Last night I may have had a minor melt down around 1:40 am. I bawled my eyes out! My blessed, sweet husband held me until I cried myself to sleep. Praise God for that man!
I have had one, (no joke) ONE day at home last month and one day this month where I wasn't going anywhere and no one was coming over. My laundry has piled into a mountainous range in our bed room and the laundry room. And my dishes....well....lets just say when we woke up the other morning, our house smelled like an onion cause I didn't have time to do the dishes until after 10pm and by that time I was too tired so I let it go......yeah, I know...gross!
Oliver has been super fussy the past two days where all he does is cry. Not only that but he is teething and that has given him a major butt rash. I thought giving it some air might help so I let him run stark naked for a while.....bad idea.....two words.....potty carpet! I crack up laughing when I see this commercial but oh boy are there days like this. Some days I think "What are we doing bringing another child into this craziness?!" And then I see a picture of a little Ethiopian child or get an email from our case worker and I remember.
To add to the whole thing, we have been trying desperately to save money for this adoption and that has gone out the window!!! Every time we start to get ahead the infamous beast of a truck breaks down. And when I say breaks down, I don't mean a bolt pops off. I mean we drop hundreds at a time. I am pretty certain we are  nearing the $3,000 mark in 6 months. Again, no, I am not kidding!! Today we took the crap machine in because we thought something our mechanic fixed a month ago had a problem, and he planned to fix it for free. WRONG! $200.00 more down the tubes cause of course it was something else! So, now we have had to resort to the dreaded credit card. We NEVER use it! NEVER! It is for emergencies only and apparently we have reached that point. aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!! (Can you hear me screaming?!)
To say the least I had some serious moments of discouragement recently and I have questioned what in the world we are doing. Today I was on the verge of melt down number two in 24 hours when two things happened. One immediately following the other. 1~ My dear friend Issy sent me a text reminding me that everything was going to be ok. That God called us to this and put it in our hearts and he would provide in every way. Ah...a wave a peace....2~ My friend Joanna sent me a text telling me she had like 80-160 CD's she wanted to give me to sell to raise money for the adoption. Ah....wave number two. Praise God! (click on her name, it will take you to her website so you can listen to her talent and check her out....maybe you will wanna buy a CD! :))
I'm not gonna lie, I am still tired. I am still stretched to the max. However, I am starting to let go a little and lean on the everlasting arms. Right when I reached the brink HE came through to remind me that HE was still in control. HE cares, HE sees and when I let go HE will carry me.....The old hymn runs through my head....."leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms. Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms."


  1. Hang in there, Erin! You're right...it'll all be worth it in the end! But yes, it's a struggle during the process. Remember there are tons of people praying for you every step of the way. Take one step at a time! Praying for ya!