Tuesday, December 13, 2011

On the verge...

There are days when I would like to escape the reality of life. Today would be one of those days. Overwhelmed, exhausted, stretched to the max.....sound familiar to anyone? Not that I wish that on anyone, but boy would it be great to know I'm not the only one. I can't remember the last time I fell asleep before 2 a.m. and didn't get a wake up call every 1-2 hours. Both boys have slept horribly lately, therefore I have slept horribly. Last night I may have had a minor melt down around 1:40 am. I bawled my eyes out! My blessed, sweet husband held me until I cried myself to sleep. Praise God for that man!
I have had one, (no joke) ONE day at home last month and one day this month where I wasn't going anywhere and no one was coming over. My laundry has piled into a mountainous range in our bed room and the laundry room. And my dishes....well....lets just say when we woke up the other morning, our house smelled like an onion cause I didn't have time to do the dishes until after 10pm and by that time I was too tired so I let it go......yeah, I know...gross!
Oliver has been super fussy the past two days where all he does is cry. Not only that but he is teething and that has given him a major butt rash. I thought giving it some air might help so I let him run stark naked for a while.....bad idea.....two words.....potty carpet! I crack up laughing when I see this commercial but oh boy are there days like this. Some days I think "What are we doing bringing another child into this craziness?!" And then I see a picture of a little Ethiopian child or get an email from our case worker and I remember.
To add to the whole thing, we have been trying desperately to save money for this adoption and that has gone out the window!!! Every time we start to get ahead the infamous beast of a truck breaks down. And when I say breaks down, I don't mean a bolt pops off. I mean we drop hundreds at a time. I am pretty certain we are  nearing the $3,000 mark in 6 months. Again, no, I am not kidding!! Today we took the crap machine in because we thought something our mechanic fixed a month ago had a problem, and he planned to fix it for free. WRONG! $200.00 more down the tubes cause of course it was something else! So, now we have had to resort to the dreaded credit card. We NEVER use it! NEVER! It is for emergencies only and apparently we have reached that point. aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!! (Can you hear me screaming?!)
To say the least I had some serious moments of discouragement recently and I have questioned what in the world we are doing. Today I was on the verge of melt down number two in 24 hours when two things happened. One immediately following the other. 1~ My dear friend Issy sent me a text reminding me that everything was going to be ok. That God called us to this and put it in our hearts and he would provide in every way. Ah...a wave a peace....2~ My friend Joanna sent me a text telling me she had like 80-160 CD's she wanted to give me to sell to raise money for the adoption. Ah....wave number two. Praise God! (click on her name, it will take you to her website so you can listen to her talent and check her out....maybe you will wanna buy a CD! :))
I'm not gonna lie, I am still tired. I am still stretched to the max. However, I am starting to let go a little and lean on the everlasting arms. Right when I reached the brink HE came through to remind me that HE was still in control. HE cares, HE sees and when I let go HE will carry me.....The old hymn runs through my head....."leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms. Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms."

Monday, December 5, 2011


I was made aware of this family today. This family is not your average family in any way shape or form. I read one blog post and it drew me in. I ended up going back over two years in her writings. Renee (mom) and Derek (dad) have two living biological children, two who went to be with Jesus and 10 adopted. Roughly two years ago Derek was in a terrible car accident and was killed. Renee is now a single mother to 12 and president of the Orphan Justice Center. Just one year earlier they had posted about a missionary family that had suddenly lost their husband/father and asked for prayer and support for them. Now it's her in that position. Her faith in Christ stuns my heart and encourages my spirit in such deep ways. I have never met this woman, I have never experienced the pain she has felt and I have never faced the challenges she has faced. Yet my heart feels gratitude and compassion for her all at the same time. Here I am getting discouraged or frustrated at minimal speed bumps in our adoption road.....my perspective has changed.....greatly. How can I allow such small things shake me? He is faithful!! The faithfulness of Christ in this woman's life....in her children's lives....it brings me to tears. While walking down some of the hardest, most painful roads the Lord has been faithful. In every way faithful. God calls us to follow his calling and his purposes regardless of what life brings. This she is still doing. Regardless. HOWEVER, He is faithful to comfort and care for us through it. He is faithful to provide everything we need. He is faithful to love and carry us. We are not on this journey on our own. Where ever you are, whatever you are going through, whatever discouragement or frustration you are going through......be faithful to follow. He IS faithful to complete the work he started in you! (Phil 1:6)
http://louxfamilyblog.com/2011/10/a-thankful-heart/...Read it... this is one of my favorite ones. You can read em all, but this one from October really reaches me.

And the winner is.....

CONGRATULATIONS #88 BRITTANY B! Thank you all for joining in and supporting our adoption and for entering to win the raffle! Brittany, You have won a Family photo shoot with Darcy Holsopple for 2012! This is valued at $200.00! Yay for you! And a very HUGE thank you to Darcy for being willing to bless our lives and the life of a child by donating your talent! I am blessed to call you my friend and I appreciate and love you bunches! THANK YOU!  Thanks to all of you we were able to raise $880.00 towards our adoption! Love how God provides! If anyone else out there has a fundraising idea or something they would like to donate for our next raffle  please let me know! Email me at erinrtoth@gmail.com.