tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48781816055041179242024-03-13T10:42:23.923-07:00Toth Family AdoptionErinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-48937328219720609252018-04-30T20:59:00.000-07:002018-04-30T20:59:36.945-07:00Our JosephineApril, 6th brought a much-anticipated end to our 7-year adoption journey. Joey's adoption was finalized and our life began with a new, amazing, normal. Our story with Joey is a long one with a lot of things to reflect on. I thought it was about time I filled you in.<br />
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This year our family decided that we needed a vacation for Christmas. Time alone, away from everything to just be. We have had a challenging 7 years and the past two have been beyond difficult and painful. We just needed time to....well, to just be. It was exactly what we needed and it was wonderful.<br />
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<span id="goog_1245765099"></span><span id="goog_1245765100"></span> One night on vacation I had a dream that we were on our way home and we got a call from Julie, our social worker from GLAD adoption. In my dream, Julie told me that she had a baby girl we needed to come get. In my dream, we detoured over to Evansville. When we got there everything was chaotic. Nothing was organized, the baby was all chaotic and floppy. We couldn't find a car seat and we couldn't figure out how to fit her into the van with all of our vacation junk crammed in there. Weird dream right? I told Andy about it and that was about it.<br />
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Then, on Jan 2 we were on our way home from vacation. My phone rang and it was Julie. I instantly thought, "you've got to be kidding me!" Sure enough.....<br />
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However, it wasn't as simple as my dream. In fact, it was chaotic. The baby girl was born prematurely at 30 3/4 weeks and was going to be in the NICU for another month or more. She was born on December 24th and her birth mom chose us. However, among other unknown situations, the birth father was unwilling to sign off. We told the social worker that we wanted to proceed, but with caution. Considering previous situations we weren't going to uproot our family and put everyone through another loss. So, until we knew parental rights were signed off we weren't going to jump.<br />
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We kept in contact and sat on this information for weeks. Until one amazing night when we got the call that her birth father signed off. I didn't even know what to do with myself! We told our boys and family. That night our social worker sent us a picture of her. I expected to have these overwhelming feelings of love and gratitude. But instead I was met with unexpected grief, fear and I missed Malachi. What?!?! How do I see a picture of a girl who is set to be my child and instead feel pain and loss over Malachi? I didn't expect it and it was hard to process. Not only did I relive that time but it brought up the fear of loss for me. I struggled to connect to the tiny body on my phone screen.<br />
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A day later my mom came and Andy and I drove down to Evansville to meet our girl. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald House down there because we didn't know how long she would be in the NICU. Once we got down there we found out that there had been a miscommunication. Things weren't as 100% as we thought. We had a week to wait until we knew if she was going to be ours. I panicked. I was terrified. All we have known is loss and pain in this adoption process. I was scared to death. I hardly ate that entire week. We didn't tell anyone that things were up in the air because I couldn't emotionally handle talking about it. Do you know what kept me sane? The NICU staff. They were like a tangible gift from the Lord for us. Our Dr. was an amazing man. He wasn't the cerebral, hard to connect with type. He was like a big brother or a good family friend. (He totally reminded us of Chip Gaines lol!) Our nurses and the receptionist went above and beyond for us. Our first day there they had signs up for us. It was Andy's birthday and they got him a cake. They laughed with us, cried with us and taught us a lot. You could tell that they all enjoyed their jobs and being together. It was like fresh air for me. Not only that, but they took care of my baby when she had no one. They loved her and cared for her when she had no one. For that, I will forever be grateful. Eternally grateful.<br />
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On Jan 25th her birth parents rights were terminated and I could actually breathe again. The staff celebrated with us and got us gifts. Again.....I can't say enough about the staff in the St. Vincent, Evansville NICU.<br />
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On Jan 26th we were able to bring her home. Our Joey girl. I sat in the back with my hand on her to make sure she was breathing the entire time. She was so tiny in the car seat. I just wanted to get her home!<br />
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We named her Josephine LinKay Toth<br />
Josephine- The meaning of her name is " May Jehovah increase or add to the family.<br />
LinKay- Lin for my mom Linda. Ka for Andy's mom Karen. And, Linkay is the special name that my grandma use to call my mom. My grandma passed away this past year. She would have loved this little girl!<br />
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We have been home now for 10 weeks and we love her so much. Her brothers love her immensely and Nahum literally checks on her every ten minutes all. day. long! We all kiss her and snuggle her a crazy amount. I'm pretty sure shes never put down for more than 15 minutes. We can't get enough of her.<br />
On April 6, 2018, her adoption was finalized.<br />
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Forever. She is ours forever. We partied as a new family of 5. They boys wanted her to have a unicorn party. So that's what we did. ;)<br />
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No more home visits, no more social workers. No more payments, physicals, background checks or fingerprinting. No more wondering if it will ever happen for us. No more. She is ours and we are hers. People often say, "She's lucky to have you." But the truth is, We needed her more than I think she needed us. She is our gift. Our tangible, kissable, huggable vision of peace, hope, and faithfulness.<br />
Our Josephine.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-79202045271124917942017-10-27T13:19:00.001-07:002017-10-27T13:22:38.197-07:00What a year can bring<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today marks 1 year since we came home without our baby boy. His birthday was two days ago....it has been the hardest year of my life and also one that has grown me more in depth and understanding. To truly know what it means to trust. Let me just say, God knows exactly what we need. Today I had a very unexpected conversation with a brand new friend. Let's just say that she GETS IT! She understands all I have felt and today, on the 1 year anniversary, we happened to connect. I am grateful. I don't think I knew that I needed to cry and share our story, but I did. God knew. I needed to hear her story too! God knew!<br />
In this past year I have felt pain I never knew possible. I lost multiple people that I loved so much. I learned what anxiety felt like. I struggled to trust and believe in God's goodness. I was buried, overwhelmed and weary. I received counseling from a beautiful woman who knows how to tend to grieving hearts. I learned that things aren't all sunshine and rainbows when walking in obedience to the Lord. I learned that I have exactly zero control (and that's ok). I learned that I don't always get what I want and desire (and that's ok too). I learned what it truly means to trust in the Lord and pray for what He wants, not what I want. I learned what it means to have a true eternal perspective. I learned what faith means and how it can continually get deeper. And I learned that EVEN IF this life brings unimaginable pain, I will be ok. Those two words...."EVEN IF".... The Lord has used those very words to bring me peace and healing. Even if the worst happens, He is still God. He still wins. He is still my eternity. He will walk with me and bring me peace and hope. Even if..........I will be ok and I still believe in all He says in His word.<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KynLDAGVdwk" target="_blank">I will follow</a> (Listen to this. It's so good.)<br />
At the end of this year I have healed up some. I trust in His will and His way. I know that no matter what I will be ok. And I have joy and peace that can only come from the Lord. Thank you Lord, that "even if" we are more than ok.<br />
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<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-84272717778277770952017-04-27T08:01:00.000-07:002017-04-27T08:01:04.421-07:00Never Let Go<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The past number of months have been pretty rough for me. I started to realize that I was living in fear. Fear of loss. We've lost so much over the past number of years and I started to feel buried under the weight of grief. The grief caused fear for me. Fear of loss. Fear of being hurt again.<br />
Through the past months, I have found that I let go of my trust in the Lord. Loss after loss caused me to fear that if I trusted God I would get punched in the gut yet again. Let down. Disappointed. Hurt. I feared I couldn't handle another blow. It think I was even mad at God. "Why would you allow this...or that... if you truly love me?" I doubted His love and goodness. All things I have trusted in and leaned on for as long as I can remember. I even felt guilty for struggling. I felt guilty for doubting. I felt shame for not being able to handle it all on my own. "I am strong, and I've been grounded for such a long time. Why can't I get a grip on this?" Grief. That's why. Grief. I've learned that grief is a big deal. Everyone grieves differently and everyone needs the grace to walk through that grief in their own way. Not only do they need grace, but they need love and support while they journey through it. I have had that, thank the Lord. Andy has been my rock as I struggled. He had the faith and peace when I didn't. He prayed with me in the middle of the night when I woke him up drowning under another wave. I had friends that noticed when I wasn't myself and prayed for me. I had friends drop off my favorite soup just to show me love. I had family members check in on me or text me a song at just the right time.<br />
I have also learned that when you are gasping for breath between the waves of grief you need someone to throw you a lifeline to help reel you in. I found that in my new friend Loretta. Once I realized I couldn't get my head above water on my own I reached out for some counseling. Hear me loud and clear. THERE IS NO SHAME IN COUNSELING! That is what counselors are trained for!! We are not meant to navigate life alone. I needed someone to help me sort through what I was feeling and help point me towards truth. After a number of weeks of feeling overwhelemd, I decided it would be best for me to talk to someone who could help me get some clarity. Through a month of meeting with her, I found my hope in the Lord again. I got my focus back on the Lord and not on my circumstances. I've come to realize that we are resilient when we are anchored in the Lord. Though the storm may come and we may get roughed up in the waves, we are never blown away. We are still tied down and the anchor never lets us go.<br />
I feel like we are more than ok now. We are good. We are hopeful and we are trusting in the hand of the creator. Not to say I don't still feel pain because I do! I even still cry sometimes. But, I know that is ok. Life will not be easy and I will experience more loss throughout my years. I will be sad and I will experience more pain. There will even be things that I don't understand and things I will want to wish away. But, I know that no matter what, because I am tied to the anchor I will always be ok. I will always make it through and I will always find hope.<br />
Even though we are still waiting nearly 6 years into this adoption. Even though we have seen family after family adopt and even adopt a second time. Even though we have had multiple birth moms chose other families. Even though we have lost family members to death. Even though we lost an Ethiopian adoption. Even though we didn't get to keep Malachi.....Even though....my anchor holds.<br />
Thank you for your prayers and support. I've needed it.<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM14VZVu0og">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM14VZVu0og</a>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-21922986788137718672017-03-15T07:31:00.001-07:002017-03-15T07:31:20.496-07:00On My Side<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Healing and grief seem to peel away in layers. Like an onion. And it comes in waves. Big, giant, crashing waves. And, you never know when the next crashing wave is gonna hit or when the next layer is going to peel away. For example; At the kids Christmas program at the elementary school. In a room full of hundreds of kids and parents, I couldn't stop myself from crying for at least 20 minutes. I didn't expect it and I couldn't stop it. I am fairly certain people thought I was crazy. Or, like yesterday, when I was at the Dr.... God bless that man and his sweet, precious nurse. I couldn't stop crying. Dealing with loss does a lot to a person. My family has experienced a lot of loss, through death, the past couple of years. A number of my friends have experienced loss the past year or so, and, we as an immediate family have experienced the loss of a child through a failed adoption.<br />
I have found that all of this loss has stirred up fear, anxiety and a lack of hope that I have never experienced before. I am grateful that the Lord has been faithful to bring these things to light for me. So I can walk through it and continue to heal and grow day by day.<br />
I have found that my anxiety comes from the fact that these losses are completely out of my control. Anyone else struggle with wanting to control everything? No? Just me? Mmmm k.....well I struggle with wanting to control everything. Which then takes my trust and eyes off of the Lord. Crap. When I take my trust and eyes off of the Lord, I then become fearful. When I have no trust and I am afraid, I then lose hope. What an ugly vicious cycle. I am grateful to recognize the cycle so I can choose surrender. Daily. Daily I have to surrender.<br />
MLK had a sermon about being strong of mind and soft in heart. (<a href="https://thevalueofsparrows.com/2014/05/04/sermon-a-tough-mind-and-a-tender-heart-by-martin-luther-king-jr/">https://thevalueofsparrows.com/2014/05/04/sermon-a-tough-mind-and-a-tender-heart-by-martin-luther-king-jr/</a>)<br />
I have to daily be of strong mind to make the choice to have a soft heart. The truth is, all I want to do is build a huge, giant, strong wall around my heart. Because somehow that seems safer to me. To make it so hard nothing can disappoint or hurt me. But, the TRUTH is this. If I build that wall I am keeping it from the Lord, from being loved and from ultimately being protected. Not only that, but I am finding that it physically takes a toll on your body. Stress is a crazy thing full of self-destruction. I am learning too, that it is ok to take care of yourself. To say no when you need to. To take care of yourself and to take moments to be quiet and alone. To let the laundry go, eat leftovers and spend full weekends in your pj's. To realize that everyone grieves differently and in order to heal we have to let go of what others think and do what helps us heal. I've needed these moments. To be quiet and allow the Lord to show me how to heal moment by moment. To learn to let go of control. To chose to be hopeful by trusting in HIM with EVERYTHING even when it feels terrifying. If you think about grief as a huge physical wound it makes more sense to people. If you have a giant hole in your heart you don't try to fix it on your own. You don't just move forward and pretend like it isn't there. If you do, you'll die! You go to the Dr., the one who can heal you and teach you how to take care of the wound until it's fully rehabilitated. It is the same with an emotional wound. You have to take it to the one who heals. Who can then teach you how to care for your wound and walk you through rehabilitation. Right? We have to take that time to take ourselves to the Lord and stop trying to do it on our own or we will emotionally die inside. You can't stop the world from hurting you. But you most certainly know where to go for healing and hope!<br />
People often say that life as Christians is easy because God is on our side. WHHAAAATTT??? I have come to find that life is hard as hell. Life on this earth holds no promise of ease. God doesn't promise an easy life. Not. One. Single. Bit. What He promises is that He is on our side. This means that He will love us perfectly. He will comfort us perfectly. He will guide us perfectly, and He will work all things for our good and His glory. When I remember that, it makes it much more bearable to walk through the trials. It even gives me hope and peace even when there seems to be no reason to have either.<br />
These two songs have been breath to my lungs.<br />
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This week as I still get hit by crashing waves of grief from the loss of a child that was never mine..... This week as I approach the anniversaries of losing my grandpa and 10-month-old cousin....I will take away some wisdom from the legacy my grandpa left and my grandma is still living out. I will follow the example of my cousin who unfairly lost his son. I will choose hope. I choose hope by trusting God. I choose peace by being strong in my mind and soft in my heart. I choose joy by letting go of the reigns and letting the Lord lead. Hear me loud and clear. Choosing these things doesn't remove grief or the need to cry it out. Choosing these things doesn't make pain go away or make it easy. But, it brings breath to my lungs and hope and peace to my spirit. It brings endurance to finish the race.<br />
If God is in it, then I am in it.<br />
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<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-59039564098426573442016-11-07T07:38:00.000-08:002016-11-07T07:38:58.121-08:00Louder than I'll sing your praise<div>
God has taught me a lot about praising, healing and hope the past week and a half. You see, we have choices to make. When we have been wounded, hurt and broken we have choices to make. Scripture warns us about unforgiveness and gives us a tangible picture of what it can do in our hearts. We can choose to torture ourselves by sitting in unforgiveness!</div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-67b2fba6-3f42-d14d-1af6-51f5e2428f99"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Matthew 18:23-35 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt. “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all. Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you? Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”</span></span></div>
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And I truly think healing has been coming for us (Not to say it doesn't still hurt...) because we have chosen the way of love and forgiveness. Hear me now....I am not perfect and this has not been easy for me, but I have still chosen it. I have to! I have had moments where anger, fear or doubt have overcome me. But, in each of those moments, God has been faithful to gently nudge my heart. "Let it go Erin. Forgive Erin. Don't allow bitterness to take root...." You see, God has forgiven me my debt. He has forgiven my sin, my wrong doing, and my bad judgments. I've hurt people. But, God still chose the way of love and forgiveness over me. He sets the example and it isn't just for the good of the offender, but even more so it is for the good and HEALING of the wounded. I tell my kids all of the time. "I don't ask you to obey me just to get my way! I ask you to obey me so you don't get hurt and so you don't hurt someone else. The same is true with the Lord. He asks us to be obedient in our daily choices not just for himself, but for the good of the whole!</div>
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This song has been one of my favorites since this summer. However the past week and a half, it has been my anthem. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByM53v4JauY">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByM53v4JauY</a></div>
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EVEN WHEN IT HURTS</div>
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Take this fainted heart<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Take these tainted hands<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Wash me in Your love<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Come like grace again<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Even when my strength is lost<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I'll praise You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Even when I have no song<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I'll praise You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Even when it's hard to find the words<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Louder then I'll sing Your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will only sing Your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will only sing Your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will only sing Your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Take this mountain weight<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Take these ocean tears<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Hold me through the trial<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Come like hope again<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Even when the fight seems lost<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I'll praise You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Even when it hurts like hell<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I'll praise You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Even when it makes no sense to sing<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Louder then I'll sing Your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will only sing Your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will only sing Your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will only sing Your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And my heart burns only for You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />You are all You are all I want<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And my soul waits only for You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And I will sing till the morning has come<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Lord my heart burns only for You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />You are all You are all I want<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And my soul waits only for You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And I will sing till the miracle comes<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will only sing Your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will only sing Your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will only sing Your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Even when the morning comes<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I'll praise You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Even when the fight is won<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I'll praise You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Even when my time on earth is done<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Louder then I'll sing your praise<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will only sing Your praise</div>
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I have found that praising a faithful God in a situation that seems beyond redemption saves me. That believing in His goodness saves me. You see, John 16:33 says that we are going to have trouble in this world. He never promises us an easy walk. Never. What he does say is "take heart....Be confident, Be courageous....." We can be confident and courageous because we know who He is. We know He is God, He wins in the end. Even though life feels impossible right now, he doesn't ask us to hold back. He doesn't ask us to protect ourselves and refrain from love. He asks us to be courageous and put our love out there!</div>
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Something else that I have found through choosing to take heart and choosing to forgive is another level of love. I'm telling you guys it's unreal. I've always loved Malachi's parents. From the moment I met them. But the deep love for this young couple has grown. I am so on their team. I feel like Andy and I have become their biggest fans. I have even learned to be happy for them and their new little family in the middle of my grief of losing a little guy that I thought was going to be my son. I feel a little bit like a protective big sister. Mama and I have been in some communication. I've been able to send Malachi all of his clothes. I've been able to have some light hearted conversation with his mama. I've been able to cheer her on in motherhood. I've been able to, because God has done the same for me! I feel like God has allowed me to see that even though I didn't get what I want, and what I thought was best, I am only human. I can't see the big picture. I can't chose how God uses me. I can't control everything. (Even though I'd like to!) Nope. All I can control is what I chose to do. I find strength in choosing love and compassion. I am finding step after step of healing through not protecting myself and giving love no holds barred. I am finding hope for a BIG redemption story in letting go of control. I am finding joy in letting go.....</div>
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Even when it hurts like hell, I'll praise you. Even when it makes no sense to sing, louder than I'll sing your praise.</div>
Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-44774440150470450772016-10-30T09:32:00.002-07:002016-10-30T09:32:56.252-07:00When I don't understandThe reality is.....not all adoption is easy. Some people fill out their papers and boom, they have a baby. Some people meet their child in another country and wait years to bring them home. Some people are chosen by birth mom's and don't actually get a child until they have met their 3rd birth mom. The reality is....adoption isn't always easy.<br />
This is a truth and pain we are feeling in the depths of our core. A pain we are walking through on a minute by minute basis. September 27th we got the call we have been waiting over 5 years for. A birth mom chose us to parent her child. Less than a week later we met both birth parents. We loved them immediately. The birth father had this sweet, quiet, tenderness about him and the birth mom was mature for her age. She took the decision very seriously and she had a great sense of humor. I loved them. We found out we had only weeks until our soon to be son was going to be born. I began texting with our birth mom fairly often. The communication was good for me. I knew she was serious about her decision and she wanted to keep me included. I really enjoyed getting to know her.<br />
At 1:40 am on Oct. 25 we got the call that she was in labor. We dropped the kids off at a friends house and rushed down to Indianapolis. I was a hot mess of emotion. Our wait was almost over and the whole situation was exactly as I had hoped. An open adoption with birth parents we connected with. Everything lined up. Right down to baby names and what we were hoping for in each other. A little after 3:00 pm Oct. 25 Malachi Theodore was born.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Out of respect for his family I am not showing pictures of his face.</td></tr>
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I cried the moment I looked into his tiny face. I loved him fiercely with every ounce of my being. My son. We took pictures and videos and sent them to our boys at home. They couldn't wait to meet him in person.<br />
The next day we got to keep him in a hospital room all to ourselves. The pediatricians came in and asked questions. We were making medical decisions. We snuggled him to pieces. Fed him. Changed him. Kissed his crazy cute lips. We talked to him about his brothers and how much we would love him forever. There was no holding back the love.<br />
The next morning, the 27th, we got the call that shattered us to our core. She changed her mind. Our birth parents changed their minds.......I remember yelling "God no!" and the pain overtook me. I didn't know how to go on from there. I thought I was going to vomit. "How do I move forward? Lord, how do I tell my boys?! How do I break their hearts? " The pain I felt was unbearable. I had a son for 2 days and now he's gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. He was just gone.<br />
I know the itty bitty details about him. Like his sweet ears are a little darker at the top than the bottom. He needs to be snuggled tight in order to sleep. He scratches at his face if he isn't holding your finger or swaddled. He wants his pointer finger in his mouth to soothe. He has the cutest, squeakiest cry. I know that he sucks down a bottle in seconds and he's so strong he can control his head. I know him.....I miss him.<br />
The drive home that day from Indy was quiet. I don't think the tears ever stopped rolling. We pulled into the garage with an empty car seat on the same day we were suppose to be bringing him home. A pain unfathomable. Andy and I both sobbed. We have done a lot of crying and holding each other. I am so thankful for him. I need him.<br />
When the boys got home from school, we had to tell them. I've never heard my son wail the way he did at that moment. He cried so hard he screamed at one point. They were both devastated and I didn't know how to fix it. I couldn't take the pain away and I couldn't control anything. We just all had to feel it. My family felt it. My friends felt it. It sucked....it still sucks.<br />
Through all of the uncontrollable pain and unknowns I had to make a decision. I had to make the choice to lean into the only one I know can carry me through this. I had to lean into the Lord. We decided we needed to take a few days off and just be together as a family. The first night, Nahum and I snuck out to Walmart and bought the Pie Face game. That brought some much needed humor and laughter between the waves of pain.<br />
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The next day we went to a pumpkin farm and spent the whole day. Rides, games, food....everything. I cried on and off throughout that day, but the time together as a family helped us all. Spending time being grateful for my husband, my boys...my mom....I was thankful she was here. I am thankful for what I have and remembering that helps me. It doesn't remove the pain but it redirects my focus to a heart of thankfulness and appreciation. Creating moments where laughter comes easily helps too. Pulling ourselves out of the pit and allowing ourselves to have some fun helps.<br />
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The truth is......Even though the birth parents decision broke us and brought us unbearable pain......I get it. I totally get it. They love him. They created him. They gave birth to him. They love him. Even though they are young, I think they can do it. I saw an 18 year old boy act out of fatherly instinct after he was born. He became a man in a moment he didn't expect and I saw it with my own eyes. I saw a young woman in turmoil over a son she wanted but wasn't sure she could parent. We got to know them well enough to know that they can do it. They are strong and they love him.<br />
I emailed our birth mom today. I felt like I needed to release her from guilt or at least for myself to get some closure. I needed her to know that we still love them and that we understand. That we are in their court and that we believe in them. I want them to have his clothes and I wanted them to have the pictures that we took of them. I think it's important that they know that we will be ok. Only by the grace, mercy and goodness of God....but we will be ok. Andy said we have to chose one of two camps. Either we stay angry and harbor unforgiveness. Or, we love them and stand in support of them. We get to chose that. We chose love.<br />
Rather than asking the question "why" I am asking that God use this. That our pain not be wasted. My prayer is that this young couple has seen the love of Jesus through us. Through our love for them and their son. (It's so hard to call him their son even though he is.) That our actions and our words and encouragement can shine the light of Jesus. The pain they caused us is forgiven. That our forgiveness can breakdown barriers.<br />
Not only that, but this sweet African American couple can see walls breaking down in the world of racism. That this little white family loved their dark skinned son as their own. No holds barred. That the barriers that still exist between white and black have been shattered at least in this one moment of time. That love is bigger than the skin we are born with.<br />
I wanted that boy. I love that boy. My heart hurts more than I have ever felt before and I am so tired of crying. But, I have to hold on to hope. Hope that Malachi will have a good life and know Jesus. Hope that we will have an adoption that doesn't fall through. Hope that my boys will be big brothers someday soon. I have to chose to trust. I have to trust that God can move and work in this. That even when I don't understand and even when it hurts like hell God is still God. That he still is a good God. That he is a righteous and faithful God.<br />
As I was getting ready yesterday the song "I Breathe You In, God" came on. I feel like it's where I'm at and what I am choosing. I have to. I need to.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I BREATHE YOU IN, GOD</span><br />
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The presence of the Living God
Satisfies the depths of my heart
And all of me I change when you came</div>
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And I'm led free by Your glory and grace
And I breathe You in, God
Cause You are there all around me
(repeat)
The kindness of Your loves pure light
Pierces through the darkest of all night
And everything is possible now
For God is here
And God is good
And You are good, God
For You are good to me
(repeat)
And when I don't understand
I will choose You
(repeat)
And when I don't understand
I will choose to love You, God
And when I don't understand
I will choose You
(repeat)
And when I don't understand
I will choose to love You, God
And You are good, God
For You are good to me
(repeat)
Its my privilege
To worship You
To worship
For You are good, God
For You are good to me
(repeat)</div>
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When I don't understand, I choose to love you God. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvFTgNd6Iko">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvFTgNd6Iko</a><br />
I also want to thank all of you who have been a support to us. We have felt your prayers, we're thankful for your gifts and your love. I can feel that people are praying for us. And the things that have shown up at my doorstep over the last couple of days are reminders of God's goodness.<br />
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All of you who have gone out of your way to help us out......Thank you. For the people who are willing to keep an eye on my kids if they need a hug...thank you. For all of the texts and voxers full of love and encouragement.....thank you. For those of you who have donated financially to our adoption......thank you. We are still going to use every penny for whatever adoption finally sticks. It is still hanging out in our adoption fund until we finally get to use it....thank you.<br />
<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-69815811610797890512016-03-15T09:12:00.000-07:002016-03-15T09:12:37.903-07:00Adoption Journey ConferenceHey guys, me again. I know my updates are few and far between, but that is usually because there is nothing to report on. I've been chewing on this update for a couple of weeks because I have been deep in processing mode and busy investigating some new avenues. <div>
I will try to make this extremely long story as short as possible. Otherwise I fear you would be reading for days. There is a bit more behind the scenes of the story, but for your sake, I will start here;</div>
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A while back, some friends from our church invited us to attend an adoption conference with them. We never would have known about it had they not invited us. (Thanks Matt and Dawn!....And to my mom for being here to watch the kids!) So, Feb 27 we headed to the Adoption Journey Conference at County Line Church of God. The first group session the pastor from the church spoke. GUYS.......His story was so similar to ours I could hardly believe it. Granted they ended up adopting from China and we are now domestic, but seriously, other than that crazy similar. I somewhat quietly cried through most of his message titled "Trust the timing of the one who created time". Then, he said "At the 4 year marker we asked God Why? God you called us to this and we desire this why is it taking so long?!" Insert ugly cry here. Of course there were no tissues. At least Dawn had one she so kindly passed down the row. This was the start of the tears for me. Tears that pretty much lasted all day with a few brief intermissions here and there. The conference was amazing. It felt tailored to us. Almost as if God ordained it just for Andy and I. I mean I know there were a ton of other people that gleaned from it, but the capacity at which it touched me was huge! The last speaker of the day asked if we felt like we drank information in through a fire hose. Uh yes! That was exactly right. Too much to take in!</div>
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Throughout the day we had moments to visit random booths set up in an auditorium. We met a social worker, Jan, from Gateway Woods. **ahem, if you are considering fostering CALL THEM!** Anyhow, Jan asked us about our process. Our struggles, what we are needing etc.... Even though we couldn't at this point adopt through them, she took her time to help us. She gave me her info to call her the next week and talk things over. So, I did. </div>
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The week after the conference I called her and she mailed us a list of agencies that are willing to take a home study from another agency and will allow you into their program. From all we had looked into we couldn't find one that was willing to take our home study from our current agency or one that was willing to work along side them! This was huge news to us.</div>
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Sunday I started scrolling through the list and one specific one caught my eye. Ok, if I am being honest it made me cry. I'm not totally sure why. All I can say is it gave me hope. I've been pretty raw with emotion since the conference and it doesn't take much to get the tears flowing. So, Monday I called G.L.A.D adoption agency. Just that one. And I am so glad I did. I spoke with a woman named Julie who gave me such hope and encouragement. I cried on the phone with her too....go figure. Anyhow, GLAD is willing to work alongside SEC who we have been working with the past number of years. She emailed me some papers to fill out and told me what else I needed to send in. Wouldn't ya know I already had an extra book to mail in and everything else we needed too. So, last night Andy and I spent a couple of hours filling out the paper work and today I mailed it in. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This means that as soon as they get our package we will be available for birth moms at their agency as well! Double the exposure..... A huge answer to prayer and a giant dose of hope! </div>
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To most of you I know this won't mean a whole lot. But for those who have walked through the past 4 1/2 years of heart ache with us and have seen our weary hearts rub very raw it will mean a lot. It means hope. We needed hope in a huge way and God provided. Keep the prayers coming friends. We need it. Our boys need it. Our future kids need it. </div>
Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-55304045313380339622015-11-09T10:26:00.001-08:002015-11-09T10:26:19.546-08:00Time LinesI know I don't post often. I feel like I don't post because it gets redundant. There is never anything to share other than the fact that more time has passed. I go through moments of huge discouragement and moments of hope. I realized today that it has been 10 months since I have updated the blog so I figured I would give you all a run down of where we're at, how we are feeling and what has happened over the past 10 months.<br />
18 months ago we decided to add domestic adoption on top of our Ethiopian adoption. In January the Ethiopian adoption fell through and we had to walk through dealing with hurt, disappointment, loss and discouragement. That was one moment where I cried out to God that I needed something tangible from Him to let me know that we were still in His will and on the right track. Last January I feel like he came through in a big way for us with that. (See post from last Jan. "More Changes Coming Our Way".) We felt God's direction and trusted His plan.<br />
On to now.....nearly a year later. We basically have had no updates, and minimal communication with our agency. It has been very silent. Very hard and very lonely at times. The silence has been suffocating and very discouraging. I have reached out at moments hoping for some encouragement or an update only to get a generic response or silence. I even got to the point a couple of months ago where I thought about looking into another agency where there was more care and more communication. I had my email all typed up and I felt a strong "No" in my spirit. So, I shut the computer and again had a moment of "God I need you, I need something from you to remind me that we are on the right track and with the right agency for your plan to succeed." And again, I felt God come through in a big way in the form of communication from our agency in reference to a potential birth mom. It wasn't by any means a guarantee or even of high percentage that we would be chosen, but it was something. I needed something. Nothing ever came of that situation, but I remember telling God that I would be fine with nothing coming of it. That I just so appreciated the much needed hope, that bit of communication brought. Since that one smidge of communication we are back to silence. Back to waiting in the vast unknown.<br />
Yesterday was Orphan Sunday and we had the opportunity to share a little bit of our heart for adoption with our church family. Facebook was flooded with orphan related images and updates with a call to adoption. It fueled the fire that burns inside of me for adoption. I have no idea why it is taking so long. Especially when I see the statistics every year with the number of children needing families. I just have to cling to the hope that it is God's will and God's way. I recently became friends with Olie's, classmates, mom. She sent me the most precious text message yesterday reminding me that we are not forgotten. Then today I got a text from a friend I haven't seen in ages. She was asking about financially supporting us. .....These friends, are touches from God. Tangible reminders that there is a plan, God cares and we are not alone. If you have ever text, emailed, called or financially supported us.........if you have ever been one of those tangible touches from the Lord for me, THANK YOU! I have needed each and every one of those. God uses you to encourage my heart and bring me hope. If you know others in this same place, or fostering and God brings them to your mind. Check in! There is a reason God prompts you. You are the hands and feet of Christ speaking hope to someone. I am eternally grateful for every single person God has used to speak hope to me.<br />
If I am being honest, I know these moments are coming more frequently for me because we are coming up on another Christmas. Christmas without a family member is really hard for some reason. The past two have been really hard on me especially. The past two Christmases, I have begged God to not make me go another Christmas feeling like our family is incomplete. This year I'm not. I have ask daily for a child, but I have stopped with my time lines. His word says " Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.....HIS kingdom come, HIS will be done. That is how I pray. Time lines and begging leave me introspective, discouraged and disappointed. Asking for His will to be done leaves me outward focused, hopeful and reliant on Him. It's where I have to stay.<br />
Pray with me for our family to include exactly who it should. That we will be connected with a birth mom that God has chosen. That our life and choices would be a light for those considering to foster or adopt. And that God would continue to pursue us, encourage us and lead us as He has thus far. Pray for the future children my heart longs so deeply for. Pray for my boys as they navigate the waters of waiting for their sibling(s).<br />
If/when there is anything to update, I promise I will fill you in. If we are somewhat absent from blogging it is because there is nothing to say. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. You'll never know how much it means.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-91133903710337129152015-01-26T16:25:00.000-08:002015-01-26T16:25:54.988-08:00Embracing The New PlanSo, with all of the changes, frustrations, disappointments etc we have been challenged with lately, it has been nice to breathe a bit of fresh air. I feel like I am getting my feet back under me. Getting more and more excited for what is to come. I went and bought paint today to paint the new kiddo's room. (It may or may not have taken the paint lady at Menards 3 attempts at getting it right. But hey, it's right and that is all that counts right? :) ) I bought a bunch of cloth diapers from my wholesalers before we sold our cloth diapering company on Saturday too. It was fun to start planning more and embrace the new plan.<br />
From the start of the domestic process I have said that I have a huge passion for the birth mom as well as the child. Through some conversations with a friend in the past week that fire has stirred back up in me more and more. The more I think about it, talk about it and pray about it the more my heart loves this precious woman I don't even know. I really hope she can be a presence in our lives and that we can love her and show grace to her in the same way our Heavenly Father has to us. I'm just excited to see what comes next in our story. God is writing it....He has been, even when things take a sharp turn. <br />
I also had a friend introduce me to a fun and new form of fundraising. I am super excited about this because it is tasty and I get to partake in it along side anyone else who wants to. It's coffee....seriously, coffee...can't go a day without it. (Yes, I'm addicted to coffee, I admit it.) Anyhow, there is this super cool organization called "Just Love Coffee". They sell fair trade, organic coffee, in every form possible and we get a kick back from every order that goes directly to our adoption fund. And we actually get a good percentage too! So, if you are coffee snobs like most of my friends and family, you will enjoy this. Great coffee, great price, great company! If you are curious, check it out <a href="https://justlovecoffee.com/toth" target="_blank">here</a> or you can just click on the button on the top right corner of this page. Even if you don't like coffee or want to buy, you should really browse around. It's pretty cool!<br />
Thanks again for all of your prayers and support. We couldn't do this without you!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-43704398137853087022015-01-14T13:45:00.000-08:002015-11-09T09:33:56.108-08:00More changes coming our way....November and December have brought more changes and some really tough decisions our way. It has been a very hard 6 weeks for us.<br />
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Through various emails from our International adoption agency we started getting the idea that things were not going well for Ethiopia adoptions. Times were yet again increasing. Cost increased. (<i>Bare in mind that we have a highly respected and known agency. A really good one. This is not a rip off, but the reality of what is happening right now over in Ethiopia.</i>)The agency was making multiple ways for Ethiopia families to transfer out of Ethiopia into other country programs.....at a reduced rate or at no cost at all. I finally got the nerve to call and ask what was going on. Things aren't great. No one knows how long it will be until we would get a referral (We're talking probably 4-6 more years) let alone if the country will even remain open for adoptions. We were basically confronted with an ugly "Y" in the road. Continue to walk towards Ethiopia knowing full well it is highly likely we will lose money with very little chance of ever seeing a child. Or, continue down the road of the domestic adoption and in time pursue a second domestic adoption and let Ethiopia go.</div>
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Ethiopia adoption has been at the forefront of everything we have done for the past 3 1/2 years. The thought of that not happening made me sick. Broken. Sad. Andy and I took some time to really pray and seek God on it. Is this something we just need to press on and persevere through? Or, is this something He used to get us going and is now changing up the direction? Through prayer and upon the advice of our Ethiopia social worker we decided it was best to let go. We both fully have a peace about it, however nothing can really describe the grief we (especially me) are feeling over it. It took me a week before I could even start letting family know. It hurt too bad.</div>
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The loss of a beautiful Ethiopian daughter that I've never met or even set eyes on is painful. Not only does it hurt, but made me question so much. What is going on God? Why? WHY did we start down this road if it was just going to close? WHAT was the purpose? I am so glad we already have our domestic adoption process going because the 3 1/2 year wait has become nearly unbearable. Another Christmas feeling incomplete without a member of our family. </div>
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While I was asking God my WHAT and my WHY I feel like he answered in a big way that restored my joy and breathed hope back into me. </div>
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Let me first give you a bit of a background on our domestic agency. They are a very small agency called St. Elizabeth/Coleman in Indianapolis. I had never heard of them before our International agency sent us there for our home study. (<i>Keep in mind that we never would have heard of them had we not started with Ethiopia first and been referred to them.</i>) When we were looking to start the domestic process alongside our Ethiopia adoption we looked into a number of larger and more well known agencies. The cost was significantly more because we would have to start over. However if we used St. Elizabeth/Coleman we would be able to jump right in with no additional work or fee since they had already done our home study etc... So, we stuck with them.</div>
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Ok, so on to the WHAT and WHY. As I was in the middle of a broken and grieved place, I asked God these questions. WHY did you start us down this path just to allow my heart to hurt so badly? And, WHAT is the purpose? I trust your plan, but what is the point? My answer came in two parts.</div>
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First, our social worker for Ethiopia told me "Things like this happen and families hurt so badly. But, the moment they get their child in their arms (wherever he or she may come from) they understand. They know why. They were to have that specific child from that specific place at that specific time. And God's plan just looks different than we think and plan for." (<i>Insert a little bit of hope here.</i>)</div>
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Then, upon suggestion of a friend, I notified someone who is very present in Nahum's daily life of the changes going on. Nahum is a sensitive kid and sometimes it can come out in behavior. I wanted her to be aware. So, after hearing from me about it she talked to him. She told him it was ok to be sad and she would be there to talk to about it if he needed to. But, even though this is sad, there is something to look forward to since he will still get a sibling from around here. Then she told him that she herself had been adopted. (Nahum thought that was really cool and special. You could tell he felt proud that she told him something so special<i>.</i>) Then, through some corresponding back and forth with her we found that not only had she been adopted, but she had been adopted from THE SAME AGENCY IN INDIANAPOLIS!! THE SAME TINY, SOMEWHAT UNKNOWN AGENCY! WHAAAAT??? WHAT ARE THE ODDS?! The timing of it was perfect. It just felt like God was saying "I got you here, where I wanted you. With the agency I wanted you at. For the timing that I have planned...I've got this! It was planned!" (<i>Insert hope and joy here.</i>) </div>
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I'll tell ya, over the past 6 weeks I have cried and prayed about this. Over the past 2 I have wept and sobbed and questioned. I grew weary. At just the point I needed I feel like God used these two women to reaffirm his plan and sweep over me with a new hope and a new joy as for what is to come. While I am still really grieving the loss of Ethiopia in a big way, I have the JOY of knowing HIS plan is better than mine and the HOPE of knowing HE will complete it in HIS timing for HIS glory and our good.</div>
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Here is how you can pray. Pray that we can really process through and grieve the loss of an Ethiopian daughter. That our boys can process through and grieve the loss as well. Especially sweet Nahum who has been so sensitive to this from the beginning. That we would continue to follow the leading of God's peace and trust His leading. And, that we don't have to see another Christmas without a child we love so much and have never met.</div>
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OH!! One last really great thing. Because of the way everything worked out between Ethiopia and domestic we aren't really losing a whole ton of money. The initial start up fee Andy and I paid and our dossier fee is gone. However that is pretty much it! We have money transferring back to us that we will be able to put towards our domestic adoption decreasing how much we owe there. On top of that we are getting a partial refund since we never had a child placed with us from Ethiopia. That money will go into our domestic fund as well. That was an added bonus! :)</div>
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Thanks for the prayers. Well keep you all updated as things change and progress.</div>
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Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-22685824116111097222014-04-17T12:40:00.002-07:002014-04-17T12:40:42.367-07:00New DirectionOk, so I am sure many of you are wondering what is going on. We haven't had an update since the last two hard ones. We were waiting until things were final to make any definitive statements. And, things are final, so here we go.<br />
When we got the news of the extended wait times for Ethiopia it obviously felt like a total blow, but we are now seeing God had some other plans. We had discussed pursuing a domestic adoption after our Ethiopia one was finalized, but having the wait time increase so much made it feel impossible to do either. So, on a hope and a prayer I decided to email our social worker at our adoption agency and ask if we could pursue both at the same time. I fully expected her to say no. As I was emailing her Andy said "Hey, why don't you email Elise and ask her if we can do both at the same time since we know Ethiopia will take far longer than domestic." Uh......That is exactly what I was doing!! The next day Elise said it was possible, but we had to get approval from our home study social worker, find a domestic agency that would allow it and then we would have to get approval through our current adoption agency. And, we would have to fund both at the same time. It seemed too big but I had hope. Our God is a God of the impossible!<br />
So, today we got the final approval and now we are going to start applying for adoption grants and loans to get funding.<br />
We are super excited. Even though things didn't go in the order we had planned, I know God has plans for us and we will one day understand why the order of our adoptions got shaken up. We still get to pursue and wait on our Ethiopian sweetie and we get to add another boy or girl to our family! We are thrilled that we don't have to shut the door on Ethiopia and that we don't have to wait 6+ years to become a family of 6.<br />
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. Isaiah 55:8</span><br />
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This couldn't be more true and I couldn't be more thankful!<br />
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<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-73105209606401675782014-04-02T05:22:00.000-07:002014-04-02T05:22:01.609-07:00MiscarriageMiscarriage....this is the word Andy used to describe how he felt. Like we just had a miscarriage. It's so accurate. I had a miscarriage years ago so I feel like I can say that knowing how accurate it is. We had really felt like there was a specific girl out there in Ethiopia that had already been conceived that we were just plunging head first into praying for, working for and waiting for. It doesn't feel like all hope is lost, it just feels like we lost this one. Yet we press on.<br />
I talked to our case worker at our agency yesterday in depth. We discussed reasoning for the wait, options, direction, money, time....annnnd I cried through most of it. Poor girl had to listen to me cry. She was so sweet. She understood the hurt. She was very forthcoming and even encouraged us to seek out other programs/countries and if we felt led, agencies. She also cautioned me on other agencies working with Ethiopia. Telling me the wait is long due to the country not the agency so to be wary on agencies offering short wait times. There is a lot of crooked people out there.....it kills me. Then she said they have so many children in their orphanages in Ethiopia that she would love to just email me a referral to tomorrow, but she can't. It's beyond their control. A lot of it lies on the the government there and the requirements, the rate at which they process things and the strictness of the regulations. The country wants to be sure their children are taken care of, not just shipped out. I can respect that. It takes a long time and she honestly said (which I respect the honesty) our wait is likely to increase consistently. Yet another gut punch.<br />
She gave me details on other programs, other countries etc etc....She also gave me testimony of families who started with one country. Feeling totally led to it. Then, down the road switch programs and get a child that they KNOW God meant for them. Had they never started down path "a" and had that wait time, they never would have had the baby at the end of path "b". She also encouraged me that some people stick out the wait. (The ever long, exhausting, wait.) And know it was right. They get the child they know God intended for their family. There is no wrong answer. There is just the path God leads you down at the cross roads. Now we just need to know what path we take.<br />
We have been through this type of thing before. Feeling led one direction with something, doors closing, and later seeing exactly why God led us that direction in the first place. I struggled for a while. Did I even hear God's leading? Then it felt so clear that yes, we had heard. We followed. and once we got to a fork in the road HE led us to the right and not the left, like we had expected. It isn't always how we expect or plan. BUT, that doesn't mean it's wrong. It is just that HIS ways are higher than mine, HIS thoughts are not my thoughts, HIS plan is perfect mine is....well....mine.<br />
So, we pray for direction. Ask questions, research and ultimately follow the Lords leading. Wherever that may take us. We still have no answer to that. Yet.<br />
And can I just say I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD?! I have had so many women checking in, praying for me, over me, with me, encouraging me, crying with me......We are blessed. And I'm not being cliche. I truly am. Beyond measure. The support is overwhelming. (In a good way of course) :)<br />
P.S. The boys know nothing of these possible changes, wait time etc. We are waiting until we have a clear path before saying anything. We want to be certain before we speak. Nahum's poor sweet heart can't handle too much in this area. He is so sensitive and talks about his sister daily. Kills. Me!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-62816759496176781782014-03-31T16:00:00.001-07:002014-03-31T16:00:21.015-07:00DecisionsI kind of feel like a broken record. Like every time I blog it is "up, down, up, down, up, down...." I feel like every time It starts with "please pray for...." or "Yay!!! Thanks for praying." Someday this roller coaster blog will say "It's finished!!!" That day however is not today. I will try to keep the long story short.<br />
A couple of weeks ago we were notified that our home study would expire in May. Therefore we had to yet again run through the gamut of paperwork, physicals, in home visits etc etc... My first thought was "How could it have been that long already?! Seriously? Has it been two years?!" However, God yet again provided and the money was there to do it. So, we are in the process of updating the home study, as discouraging as it may be.<br />
Then, Nahum had another rough couple of days waiting for his sister. Or, "missing her" as he says. I still hate how hard this is on his sweet little heart. This of course just adds to the emotions.<br />
Finally, (and this is where the up and down continues) we need some serious prayer. We have some hefty decisions to make. We received another email from our agency stating that our wait time has yet again increased. We are now at 36-42 months wait DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia) This is getting insane and hard to take. When we started this process it was 9-18 months. The continual increase has me beyond discouraged. I keep praying. I keep trying to stay positive through the questions and continual changes, but I'm not gonna lie. I'm over it. I am sad. There is pretty much no other words other than sad and discouraged. Basically we need prayer for direction. Do we wait this out another 3 years??? It has already been over 2 1/2! Do we transfer our dossier to another country? Do we switch to domestic? There are babies every where that need a mommy and daddy. Everywhere! Where do you want us to pursue God?<br />
We are going to spend some time praying over this decision. Please pray with us. We need it!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-20532137568001251702014-01-28T14:57:00.003-08:002014-01-28T14:57:48.492-08:00Great News!We got a great letter from our agency today! Thank you all so much for praying with us during this time, we are so happy to say that Ethiopia remains OPEN! Praise the Lord! We are thrilled and will continue to wait as we have been for a referral. Keep the prayers coming for that!<br />
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Dear Andy & Erin,</div>
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We are thrilled to share positive news from Ethiopia. Earlier today Minister Zenebu, along with other high level MOWCYA officials, met with agency network representatives. In this meeting it was clearly expressed by Minister Zenebu that she does not plan to work to stop adoptions, but desires to focus on eliminating bad practice and continue to invest in good practice of Ethiopia adoptions. She reiterated that neither MOWCYA nor the Ethiopian Government plan to shut down adoptions within Ethiopia, and went on to encourage agencies to continue their work as normal.<u></u><u></u></div>
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We know this news comes as relief for many adoptive families in process. America World will continue to work on behalf of Ethiopia’s orphans and vulnerable children to place them into Christian homes. We expect MOWCYA will likely hold more meetings in the weeks to come and will continue to keep families updated with any new information. We are seeing several regions issue clearances for children to be adopted and are hopeful more will start soon.<u></u><u></u></div>
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America World is in full support of improvements to uphold the most ethical practices in adoption. We care deeply about adoptions operating with integrity and transparency. We will continue to support MOWCYA in their efforts to implement better parameters around adoption processes and safeguards against fraudulent practice.<u></u><u></u></div>
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We are glad to hear this news today, and know it has been a long few weeks for families since Ethiopia’s first statement about adoptions. Thank you for your perseverance throughout this month. Please feel free to contact me with any follow-up questions about this.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Blessings,</div>
Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-12546446203463614732014-01-09T14:14:00.005-08:002014-01-09T14:14:59.227-08:00More waitingLooks like we will be waiting another week. Thank you for continuing to pray with us! We will let you know when we hear more, but for now here is our latest letter from our agency.<br />
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Dear Andy & Erin,</div>
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As we know families are eagerly awaiting news from Ethiopia’s Parliament, we want to share any updates we receive with you. America World has been seeking clarity and any updates on the time frame for Parliament’s response. We are now anticipating news from Parliament on Thursday, January 16<sup>th</sup>. Due to Ethiopian Christmas this week and a Muslim holiday next week, these days will not be counted in the 10 business days originally estimated by Parliament for a response. Our agency is fasting and praying over the next 3 days for the children in Ethiopia, and we invite you to join us in this.<u></u><u></u></div>
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By <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1383755032" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">Thursday</span></span>, the 16<sup>th,</sup> we will send an update unless we receive any news earlier. We do encourage families to hold loosely to the time frames given. Thank you for joining us in prayer.</div>
Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-90512762263812583282013-12-30T10:35:00.001-08:002013-12-30T10:35:27.292-08:00Join Us In PrayerWe received this email from our agency today. Please join us in prayer. Pray that Ethiopia remains open, not just for our sake, but for the sake of thousands of orphans in Ethiopia. We will know in 2 weeks if Ethiopia will remain open to international adoptions and we will keep you updated. We are staying hopeful until we know more. Thank you for praying with us!<br />
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Dear Andy & Erin,</div>
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We are sending out this email as a response to recent information regarding the status of adoption in Ethiopia. Over the weekend in Ethiopia a multiday meeting was held by the House of Representatives along with MOWCYA officials. In attendance were numerous Ethiopian government officials and public stakeholders, roughly 400 people were present. A research paper prepared by MOWCYA in conjunction with Parliament was presented regarding issues of sexual harassment, drug abuse and adoption within Ethiopia. Following the presentation of the research, the group of attendees were divided into six groups to discuss and respond to 15 questions. Roughly seven of the 15 questions were directly related to adoption. (America World is in the process of translating the research paper and questions.) Each group had a mixed representation of parliament officials, MOWCYA officials, Court President and officials, NGOs, adoption agency representatives, teachers, and public attendees. America World’s In-Country Director, Adey, was present at the meeting and in one of the working groups. <u></u><u></u></div>
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The groups reviewed the material, discussed for several hours, and then had one individual from each group present to the larger group suggestions for addressing the issues noted. Regarding adoption issues, it was noted that many Parliament officials involved strongly lobbied for the closure of international adoption while many of the groups encouraged a greater focus on domestic adoption while continuing international adoption as a good option for children. At the conclusion of the group presentations, the speaker of the House of Representatives stated that government officials were shown to have had conflicts of interest leading to corruption and did not speak positively regarding international adoption. In closing he noted that a strategic plan would be provided after 10 business days.<u></u><u></u></div>
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We know many of you will have questions regarding this. We have provided as much information as we have available at this time. There have been numerous changes in Ethiopian adoption over the last few years and we are hopeful that any changes made will not disparately impact your family’s process. Discussions of Ethiopia “shutting down<span style="color: #1f497d;">”</span> to international adoption are not new. Nevertheless, this is a crucial time in Ethiopia regarding the direction of international adoption. Ethiopia is a country that values their children and has been historically very supportive of international adoption. While the prevention of corruption and safe guards on behalf of children are critically important and reform is needed, adoption is a very politically charged issue within Ethiopia. Several government officials continue to be greatly supportive of international adoption and recognize that numerous children are in great need of a permanent family. <span style="color: #1f497d;"><u></u><u></u></span></div>
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We know all of you are deeply concerned regarding your adoption as well as the welfare of Ethiopia’s children. We share your concern. Please join us in praying for the Ethiopia officials and the children of Ethiopia. We will continue to keep families updated with any new information as it is received from Ethiopia. </div>
Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-27248640715343389962013-09-26T18:01:00.000-07:002013-09-26T18:01:05.450-07:00Update And A MealOk, I have been terrible at keeping up with blogging. Sorry! People ask me all of the time how things are going and if I would just keep this stinker updated you all would probably feel a little bit more informed huh? Well, since it has been a long time I am going to meld two posts into one. The first half is all about how I (Erin) have been feeling the past few months, and the second will be all about our fun Ethiopian meal. Here we go.........<br />
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Sometime around Aug 10th (give or take a week) Andy played a song for me in the car. I couldn't tell you what the song was, what it was about or who it was by. All I know is that it struck a chord in my heart. Up until this point we haven't really even felt like our kiddo was even born yet. I mean, the reality of timing and our age limit made that pretty obvious. We just knew we were praying for her before her bio parents had even begun to think of her. What a cool thought! Anyhow, when he played that particular song, on that particular day it hit me. I think she is born. I just really do! I don't know who, what, when, where or why, but I truly think she has been born. As parents, part of our job is to love on and protect our kids. It is something I am unable to do for her right now. She will go through a loss greater than I have ever experienced in my life and I can't be there to protect her or hold her through it. She will lose two parents and God only knows what else before I will ever meet her. That. Is. Hard! Hard! Hard! This was a feeling I didn't know how to process.<br />
The next day (Sunday) we were singing "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zg-1yM6insA" target="_blank">The Glory Of It All</a>" at church. We sang " At the start He was there, He was there..." Yes, I am aware he isn't talking about being at the start of my daughters life, but God used it. At the start of her life HE was there, when all is lost He is there. I just felt God's presence in a real way. Touching my heart and reminding me that HE IS THERE. That, is all that matters. As important as I will be in her life one day, I don't hold a candle to God, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I would much rather Him be there with her than me. It gave me such a peace and a zap back to reality that I can not always be in control or protect, but that doesn't mean my kids aren't being cared for. In fact it can mean the absolute opposite. God is in control and God is holding her. That, is all that matters.<br />
So yeah, in a nut shell, we still have some time. We could get a call tomorrow or we could get a call in 2 years. But, God is in control and we will wait.<br />
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Now, on to the food. I have heard from a number of people, and blogs of adoptive parents, that there are three things they had wished they knew more of. 1~ Amharic (the native language in Ethiopia), 2~ How to make Ethiopian food and 3~ How to take care of their babies hair and skin. So, I decided to tackle one of those three. Food of course! I love ethnic food so this was a fun adventure for me. There are few people I would ever invite over for dinner on Ethiopian night. But we do have a few adventurous friends, so we invited some over to join in the Ethiopian fun.<br />
This my friends, was a 2 day long adventure.<br />
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I first started by making Ayib, an Ethiopian cheese. In the States Ethiopian places often serve plain yogurt because you can't buy Ayib here. BUT.....You can make it!!!! ;) Yes, I made cheese, and it was easy!<br />
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Then, I started the Injera. Injera is the bread they eat with meals over there. It is made with Teff flour and it is fermented for days! Lemme tell ya, I was a little nervous with this stuff. When I opened the container on my counter is was all brown and bubbly. It was so bizarre looking and it was an interesting process. My injera tasted ok, but it wasn't right. It is suppose to be crepe thin and spongy. Mine was like a big ole pancake. Fail! Oh well, I will keep trying. I made Gomen, which is a collard greens dish. Shiro Wat which is an uber spicy, chick pea flour, pasty main course. Misir Wat, which is again a very spicy, red lentil dish. Yassa, which is marinated onions (8 of them) and chicken. Kik Alicha, which is a yellow split pea stew and last but not least a super crazy, spicy, tomato salad. The salad I didn't even attempt to eat because it was fire hot. The other stuff???? I plowed it! I'm not sure I even took a second to breathe.<br />
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Not to toot my own horn, (I mean they weren't even my recipes) but it was DANG GOOD! We all enjoyed it and I even had enough left over to send home with our new Ethiopian friend Getabalew. According to his mommy he liked it! Even the crazy, hot n' spicy Misir and Shiro Wat! That kid must have some iron clad taste buds!<br />
One of the three down and 1 1/2 to go! (I say 1/2 cause I half way know how to care for her hair already thanks to my profession and tips from my friends who already have learned.)<br />
There ya go. That's us in a nutshell for now.<br />
Annnnd I will leave you with a little picture of our fun friends who joined us for the meal ;)<br />
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<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-78453886179462431492013-09-02T16:58:00.000-07:002013-09-02T16:58:10.997-07:00A Rescued HeartHey guys, I know this is normally where we post about our adoption process, but today I wanted to post about something else. My friend Natalie!<br />
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Nat and I have been friends for 12+ years, (Holy cow that dates me!!) and I am super proud of her! Why?!?! Because she followed her dream, worked really hard and WROTE A BOOK!!! Any of you who know me know that I am not a reader. Sadly, I'm just not. However, when I read her book I couldn't put it down. I finished it in 24 hours! No, I'm not kidding. It was that good and I want to share it all with you. Here is some info on her book and I hope you all take the time to buy it and read it! You won't be sorry!<br />
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<b>How long did this book take from the first sentence to the published book? Was that longer/shorter than you expected?</b><br />
It took just under five years. It was shorter than expected because I never thought it would happen! I had read all the statistics of first time author’s getting published with a traditional publisher and the low percentage and time frame was eye-opening. So I kept a level-head through the whole process knowing that my chance of getting published (without self-publishing) was extremely low. Thankfully I ended up being happily surprised with a contract to be published.<br />
<b>Did you randomly pick the character’s names, or do they mean something to you?</b><br />
Some of the female names had been on our girl baby name list over the years (Ava, Lucy, Julia). The remaining names were randomly picked, but I tried to fit the name to each character. For example, Matthew. I liked how common the name is, how the name is solid and goes with his character and personality that is strong and compassionate. Also, Matthew means “Gift of God,” which I found fitting for his relationship with Ava.<br />
<b>How did you come up with the setting/location of the story? Is it based in places you know? </b><br />
I wanted a setting that I could be familiar with and visit if I need to. I chose Rockford, IL. It reminded me a lot of South Bend and I did hours of research on the city, its landmarks and activities to help add to my storyline. Since I hadn’t been there before, I got on Google Earth and I could see what the city looked like and how it was laid out to help me visualize better as I wrote the scenes and the places where my characters went.<br />
<b>What’s your proudest moment? </b><br />
When I got the e-mail that the publisher loved my book. If you had been a fly on the wall you would have seen me double check the e-mail twice, just to make sure I read it correctly. Then you would have seen me jumping up and down, praising God and thanking Him while my children looked at me like I was a crazy woman...which, let’s be honest, probably isn’t too different from any other day. And then you would have seen my kids and I (Greg would have joined in, but he wasn’t home) turn on some music and bust out the best dance party EVER!<br />
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Can you tell she is a lot of fun?! :) Buy the book ya'all! Here is a link to where you can buy it.<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rescued-Heart-Romance/dp/1618080733/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1378165764&sr=1-1&keywords=a+rescued+heart">http://www.amazon.com/Rescued-Heart-Romance/dp/1618080733/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1378165764&sr=1-1&keywords=a+rescued+heart</a>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-164727281815946962013-03-01T13:24:00.000-08:002013-03-01T15:58:36.528-08:00Paper Work. Check!Well praise the Lord the paper work is finished. Done. El fine'. Completed. DONE-ZO! (Insert giant exhale here) The past few months I have been so overwhelmed with work Andy took over a vast majority of the paper work. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't be more thankful for him!<br />
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Yes, this is really what some of our evenings look like. What you can't see in the picture is the vast array of notary stamps, seals and signatures. DONE!<br />
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So we mailed in our Dossier and a fat check and now we wait. This is only half of the actual stash of papers we sent. I never got a picture of the full pile. It actually doesn't even look that bad here. I think maybe the pile feels bigger because of the time it took :) I should have taken a side view.<br />
What's next? Well....waiting....a. whole. lot. of. waiting! My mom and I were talking about the wait and she just couldn't believe it would still take another couple of years. Unfortunately it is our reality. BUT I am just trusting that God has a special and particular someone in mind for our family. And maybe, just maybe she needs to be created. Psalm 139:13-17. The truth I cling to. The truth I wait on.<br />
While we wait, we will start fundraising. My Bible study girls are going to help me do some fundraising this fall....not sure what yet but I am so grateful for the help. This fundraising stuff is a stretch for me. I don't like it and I'm not good at it. Thus far the ONLY fundraising we have done has been thanks to the ideas and volunteering of our friends. Without all of you this wouldn't be possible! Thank you friends!<br />
Please keep praying for God's hand of protection and blessing on our little girl. She is coming to us because of tragedy. Due to the death of parents who loved her or the poverty of parents who loved her. Pray for her. It is a sad and hard reality that she will endure pain, even if she is very young, she will have experienced a loss most of us cannot imagine. Please pray for her.<br />
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<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-81736036362977282912012-12-04T17:40:00.001-08:002012-12-04T19:41:01.842-08:00Time Change<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">I know it has been a while. We have been some busy people!!! What have we been doing you ask? Well...where to begin...</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">First, My friend Ashley and I bought <a href="http://www.diaperhq.com/">a company</a>. That's right, I'm a small business owner! Whaaaa??? While the first two months have been a tad bit stressful, I am doing better and into the swing of things. I. LOVE. IT!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">Second, Andy went to China for work....and ate a bunch of strange things! While he was gone I trekked up to the U.P. to spend that time with my parentals. I wasn't about to try doing the whole parenting thing on my own. RESPECT to single parents! Seriously!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">Third, we were in the finishing stages of the paper work and that takes precedence over this blog.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">And lastly....I'm a mom for the love of Pete. There just isn't enough free time in the day!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">So yeah, that's why I haven't blogged in a while. On to the meat~</span><br />
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We have basically finished up our paper work at this point. We have a few things to mail here or there, but for the most part the busy work is done. Our next major hurdle is the fundraising! I am terrible at it, I hate it and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. So there. That's how I feel. If ya have any ideas feel free to share! For those of you who have helped out and have done an at home party or garage sale or have given us things to sell or have just flat out given us money. THANK YOU! You have been a huge blessing!! OH YEAH!!! We raised a pretty good chunk from the 31 bags party! Thanks guys!!! Sooooo thankful for all who purchased!! Thank you Thank you!.....</span><br />
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Now to the bummer part. We got an email today from our agency and this is how it read....</span><br />
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blah blah blah....<span style="font-size: 13px;">The wait times are increasing from 18-24 months to</span><b style="font-size: 13px;"> 24-30 months for a male or female infant or toddler</b><span style="font-size: 13px;">. We do not have as many families requesting children four years and older and thus the wait for those families will likely be shorter than the current wait times.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">Paperwork, specifically the clearance, is still the main contributor for the slowdown in the Ethiopia program. If we have a child in the transition home who is completely paper-ready, but does not have a clearance, we need to wait on that final document before referring the child to a family. Unfortunately, the clearance process is still one that is intensive and can be drawn out over many, many months; the final clearance could take one month or a 1+ years to obtain. Unfortunately, this is a process that we are not permitted to manipulate and is contingent on the governmental bodies in Ethiopia. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">We know this is difficult news, especially in light of the holidays. We are excited to post our November Referral Update on our blog later this week as there were over 10 referrals this month. We want to walk through this journey with your family and will do as much as possible on our side to have these children placed in homes as quickly as possible.</span> Blah Blah Blah....</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">So that sucks! There is no other way of putting it. It just plain sucks! When we started this process it was 9-12 months and then last November it changed to 18-24 and now we are looking at nearly 3 years to go. It pretty much makes me want to throw up, give up, and scream! Andy handles these things way better than me. I melt down and throw a little fit and he just tells me it's gonna be ok. I tell him I want to quit and he says "I don't!" ....boy did God ever know what he was doing when he put us together! He holds me together until I can get it together. I kept thinking our little munchkin was probably already born, but in reality.....our new reality....she probably hasn't even been thought of by her birth parents. She sure as heck has been thought of (and prayed for) by her forever parents though!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">I guess I should look at the bright side right? It gives me 3 more years to raise $29,000! Makes it sound more doable right? (Now would be a good time to agree with me!) :) </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">Thanks for praying guys. We sure need it! </span></div>
Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-33149905603042200502012-08-29T17:25:00.000-07:002012-08-29T17:25:01.261-07:00BananasAs you know, last week we had the Jewelry Party fundraiser that my friend Donna had for us. It was SUPER FUN! After all of the information and demonstrations were done we just sat around and talked and laughed our rears off for hours. Literally hours. It was wonderful! We made $150 from the sales and we were also given a $100 donation at the party, so I would say it was quite successful! $250, 3 hours or so and a whole lot of laughs! What a great night! Thanks to all of you who supported us through this!<br />
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Now, onto where our hearts are at....<br />
Paper work, paper work and more paper work. Phone calls and emails for clarification on previous paper work....aaaggghhhh....I am learning more patience than I have ever had to before. I just want this to move....fast! And then today I was at Walmart with the boys. We were going to buy bananas and I wanted green ones. There was a nice man filling the banana stand with bright yellow ones, but I wanted green. (I know, this sounds like the beginning of a Curious George episode, but hang in there...) So, I asked the nice man if he had any green ones and he said he would run back to the back and check. I thanked him and planned to just wait patiently. As the man walked out of the way the sight behind him caught my breath. I saw a sweet girl, about 3 years old, twirling in her pretty green dress. She looked so sweet, so happy, so innocent. I started to cry. Why you ask? Because this little girls skin was the color of dark chocolate and her moms was a chalky white. That is going to be me soon....I want it so bad. Our daughter may not yet even be born, but my heart longs for her. And this little girl today was so happy, so normal, so loved. I could tell. It warmed my heart to know that children are not only getting a fighting chance at having a family, but children are learning what it means to be loved, learning God's love. As I was processing all of this...crying of course...the nice man returned holding my green bananas. I thanked him and took them from him and tried not to let him see me cry....I am pretty sure he thought I was nuts. No sir, I was not crying because you found my green bananas.<br />
Andy was saying how amazing it has been for him to be able to pray for her, long before she is even born. She is likely not born yet to this day. It isn't that we are praying for her as she is in a hard state of life, we are getting to pray for her before her life has even begun! For love, protection, hope, health, joy...you name it. We are blessed to be able to cover her in prayer before her existence. Awesome!<br />
Someday, someone will see me walking through Walmart with my dark skinned daughter and hope will fill their heart....I can't wait!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-50603217299963982932012-08-06T09:22:00.001-07:002012-08-07T21:02:09.972-07:00Jewelry Party FundraiserOver the past years I have been helping out with the Wakarusa Children's Resale. It is a huge ministry that provides the opportunity for people to buy and sell their used children's items at an amazingly cheap price. It helps both the sellers and buyers. I love it! Well, during this time, I have gotten to know a sweet lady named Donna Love. (I just called her a lady...she's like my age...does that make me a lady?! Yikes, I might be getting old. ) :)<br />
Anyhow, all of that to say, she offered to have a Premiere designs Jewelry party for us as a fundraiser! How sweet! So, on Aug 20th You all are invited to a party/fundraiser at my house. Aug 20th at 6:30! If you can't make it but would like to purchase some Jewelry please comment and I will talk to Donna about getting information to you so you can decide what you would like to order! Really cool jewelry for a really great reason! Hope you all can come!!<br />
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One other thing...A huge blessing...We needed to have some CPA work done for our agency and we had a local guy <a href="http://www.lhpc.us/aboutus.html">Regan Lehman</a> do it for us. I emailed information back and forth for a day or two and voila! He had it done in less than 48 hours and he didn't charge us a thing! Free!! What a great guy! (and a nice lady named Angela helped us out there too!) If any of you locals are looking for an accountant I highly suggest you check him out. I didn't tell him I was going to do this, but the man deserves a plug here. We are so thankful!!<br />
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<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-57400836132484920602012-07-12T18:03:00.002-07:002012-07-12T18:03:43.765-07:00little frustrationsI have begun to dread seeing emails in my inbox from our adoption agency. It is always another thing that we have to fix, change the date on, re-notarize, rewrite or just something completely new they need from us. I feel like this home study process...which could have taken a month....has been drug out in an unbelievable way. Every time I open an email I hear myself audibly say, "seriously?!" Which is usually followed up by tears of frustration. We were told by our home study agency that we were finished. They billed us and we were done. We were just waiting on the confirmation from our adoption agency that it had been approved. I have learned to stop expecting to meet time frames. It is so hard to get an email saying we have to re- notarize because the date the doctor wrote and the date the notary wrote were different. It is hard to sit in a doctors office for an hour for a doctor to sign a paper, only to have to leave and wait ten more days to make it happen. It's hard to do all these seemingly pointless and mindless things when there are orphans WAITING ON PARENTS! Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and push the truths of these orphans to the back of my mind and pretend they aren't there. It would be so much easier. My emotions wouldn't go up and down every ten minutes. I wouldn't spend hours, months even, doing paperwork and running all over the state just for someone to spend ten seconds to sign their name to a paper.<div>
But the truth is: My little girl is already in my heart even though I don't yet know her. My heart is way too wrapped up in this to stop now. God has called us to this and has every intention of following through with it. God broke our hearts for these Ethiopian children and even though it is emotionally wearing (even this early on in the game) there is a plan and a purpose for this. We must keep trusting and pushing through the frustrations. Please pray with us that things would go more smoothly. That we would get better at doing this paper work junk and understanding all of the requirements expected of us. And that God would bring our little girl home....sooner than later!</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-74196360094255203692012-06-17T15:20:00.001-07:002012-06-17T15:22:25.458-07:00Happy Fathers Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Now that we know we will have a daughter.......<br />
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I couldn't resist. This card was screaming at me from the shelf at the store. When I picked it up I welled up with tears. I think the teenagers standing next to me in the isle thought I was nuts but who cares! The inside was so simple, so true and so fitting......<br />
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When Andy opened it he got all teary eyed and said, "I didn't expect this..." and smiled. She has a very special place in our hearts already and I know God is preparing her for us as well. Can't wait till her daddy is actually holding her on Fathers Day!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4878181605504117924.post-20640908092677162222012-06-10T18:05:00.000-07:002012-06-10T18:05:06.345-07:00Thank yous and updates<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It has been WAY too long! I am so sorry! We have been so busy. I haven't had time to blog but there is so much to update on so this is gonna be a long one!<br />
First of all the garage sale:<br />
I want to say a HUGE thank you to Amanda Wilson! Amanda and I have been friends for about 12 years now. We don't often get to see each other, but we are the kind of friends you know you can count on and even if you haven't seen each other for a year it's like you haven't skipped a beat! Love her! Amanda called me out of the blue one day and said she wanted to do a garage sale fundraiser for us. She did everything! I hauled one load to her house and that's about it! Not only did she plan it, organize it and run it....She did all of that while MOVING! She literally moved her whole house, 2 dogs a husband and 3 kids the weekend before the sale! What a blessing she is! THANK YOU AMANDA!<br />
I also want to thank David Arment of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/davidarmentphoto">David Arment Photography</a>. He donated 100 pictures for us to sell! They are super cool outdoor pictures with scripture on them. We still have some left if anyone is interested! We are selling them for donations. You pick the price! Contact me if you are interested!<br />
Another thank you to Heathyr Harkless of <a href="http://houseofharkless.blogspot.com/">House of Harkless Photography</a>. I had never met Heathyr. I am a cloth diapering consultant and Heathyr is a customer I was going to do a consult for. I had never met her but we had been communicating via facebook. When she found out we were adopting she instantly offered a photo shoot for us to raffle off. (We raffled it off at the garage sale and my friend Alice won it!) She has a heart for adoption and plans to begin her own adoption process next year. What a blessing! How often does someone you don't know just offer you something like that?! Thank you Heathyr!!<br />
Thank you again to <a href="http://joannabeasley.com/">Joanna Beasley</a>. She is a recording artist who gave us a ton of her albums to sell. We had them out at the garage sale as well and we still have some left if any of you are interested! We again are selling those for whatever donation you would like to make! She is really awesome! I highly suggest you check her out!...p.s. she is in the midst of making 2 more albums at the moment! CAN'T WAIT!<br />
And lastly, thank you to every one of you who donated! I don't even know all of the people who donated items but to all of you THANK YOU! Thank you to everyone who shopped and donated money. Amanda was telling me about people who hardly had enough money of their own giving extra just because they believed in the cause. Thank you God!<br />
The garage sale brought in over $560.00 and we still have a whole slew of California Raisins collectibles to sell on ebay! Believe it or not what we have could bring in an additional $500.00 once we get it up for sale! You wouldn't believe the people buying this stuff!! Kinda crazy but kinda cool all at the same time! :) So all in all, once we get those sold we will have made somewhere in the ball park of $1000.00! Praise God!<br />
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On to the next topic! We have the money to pay for the home study taken care of and now we are in need of $2,490 for the next phase of the adoption. We have again been trusting God for each cent knowing that he will pull through! We have gotten checks in the mail here and there from friends we haven't seen in a really long time and have been totally blessed by each one! A week or two ago we were blessed above and beyond! Some good friends of ours gave us a check that blew us away! I continue to be amazed by peoples generosity! People giving us tax returns or their tithe money for the week. Whatever the situation is we are so grateful for each and every one of you who have given to us. You have no idea how much each dollar means to us....We are humbled and thankful!<br />
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Next up on the list today is Home studies. Since we last blogged we have had our final 2 home studies. Our social worker has come to the house, looked around, talked to the boys, talked to us and read through the conglomeration of papers we have had to fill out and notarize. (I have never had to notarize so much crap in my life!!) She asked us a million and one questions, watched us with our boys and talked through just about every aspect of our lives from birth up until now. Pretty sure there is no stone left unturned! she was really kind easy going but we are so thankful to be done! It has been a long time coming! We had to delay things for weeks and months due to Nahum being sick or Nahum having surgery or her schedule being busy. Whatever the reasons were, it just plain took too long! But hallelujah it is done! We meet up with her on Thursday evening to verify and basically sign off on the papers that will be sent in to our adoption agency. FINALLY! Now on the the craziness that is the dossier.....I am certain there will be some crazy blogging during that 6 months! The dossier is a 4-6 month process of paper work and at the end of that we submit it to Ethiopia for approval and then we wait!<br />
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What will we be waiting for you ask? Well....Andy and I have said from the get go that you can't pick a gender when you have a biological child so we would leave this one up to God as well. However, God has really impressed on our hearts that he has a specific child for us and the way we answer the questions (ie: would you take a cleft lip, cleft pallet, deaf, boy, girl, siblings etc etc.....) is the way a child (or children) would be chosen for us. So we prayed. We answered questions. We prayed. We changed answers. We talked and prayed some more and changed some more. All of that to say...dun dun dun....we will be getting a GIRL! I almost lost it in the store tonight when we walked past the girls clothes. :) I know in my heart that God has a little girl in mind for our family! I know it! Now why did I say "or children" a few sentences back? Well, we said that we would take a sibling group if there was a little girl who had a brother or sister. I don't want to break up siblings!!! So, if God wants that or has that in mind for us it is a possibility for Ethiopia to refer siblings to us.....oh my.......Are we crazy? :)<br />
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Lastly I want to thank my friend Darcy of <a href="http://www.darcyholsopplephotography.blogspot.com/">Darcy Holsopple Photography</a>. She took the amazing picture you see above. When she posted it on fb she had some really sweet things to say and it got me all weepy. Thank you Darce for being willing to do this for our family! Get your trigger finger ready to take pictures of a beautiful little girl in 18 months to 2 years from now. And....get those braiding fingers ready cause I. CAN. NOT. FRENCH BRAID!<br />
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Thank you all for checking in and supporting us! Also, check out the thermometer to the side....it keeps going up thanks to God and all of you!!<br />
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<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13551616874135834956noreply@blogger.com3